I’m imagining right now Wakanda, which is depicted as “a highly developed country” the most technologically advanced nation on the planet. I’m trying to imagine a world beyond the one we are living in now. One without Chadwick Boseman (1976-2020) who has passed away.
What is beautiful to me about Wakanda is that it is a place untouched by colonization and racism. Granted there are various tribes, assuming tribal battles but they are living in one nation as one people, Wakandan. I’m trying to hold on to that image of an African utopia as King T’Challa has passed away.
I’m witnessing this global pandemic and the daily civil unrest that is currently happening in this world which at this time I do not want to deal with, live in. I hope this country will be forced to recognize and start to eradicate this cancer called racism. I am tired of seeing White males parade around with assault rifles claiming to protect patriotism. Upon hearing Chadwick died from his private battle with cancer, I broke down and cried. For some reason, this hit harder than anything else. Chadwick lived with his prognosis in silence, but he chose to live his life fully in the public eye with his head held high.
I mentioned to one of my Sistah friends that black boys do not have a lot of cinematic heroes. The fact that Black Panther was a box office global one shows that we (black boys/men/males) are starving for these images. As a black-boy-Comic-book-loving individual, I use to draw Superman but made him brown to reflect how I looked. It was later I discovered other “heroes of color.” Tyroc (Legion of Super-Heroes), Black Lightning, Luke Cage, The Falcon, Bishop (X-men) to name a few (and I mean a few).
T’Challa, the Black Panther was an African man. He grappling with becoming a King and his role as the hero of his nation, which he swore to protect. Wakanda was hidden from the world and only a few could access it (what a beautiful thought). I’m trying to hold on to that Wakanda that is hidden and safe from the world we live it now.
Maybe it hurts because Chadwick was like a brother I knew personally and admired. He embodied Jackie Robinson, James Brown, and Thurgood Marshall with sure natural blackness. I felt I knew him, I think most of the black community felt the same way. He was a proud, dignified, intelligent, beautiful black man – who remind me that such qualities are within my grasp. My own internalized racism is such that I devoured images of brothers like Chadwick in order to love myself.
Maybe the hurt is because of the endless string of death (mentally, spiritually, and/or physically) of black/brown men. This feeling lately has me wanting to do a “Kyle Rittenhouse” walk to protect “what’s mine” in this country. I know Chadwick/T’Challa would frown on such unlike “King behavior”. Both of his personas reminded me that I was a King. They also remind me to protect “my kingdom.”
Maybe because he was a role model for me as an actor of color. Chadwick was cut in the mold of Sidney Poitier and Denzel Washington. A lot of people (this writer included) thought of Chadwick as the Heir apparent of that throne. In my grief, I can’t imagine who would take his or T’Challa’s place in history and my heart.
So I’m closing my eyes and dreaming of Djalia. Djalia is the higher spiritual plane of collective ancestral memory in Wakanda. It is a realm that incorporates all the experiences and knowledge of every Wakandan who has ever lived. Djalia is the unbroken line of the Panther Cult blessed by the Panther God, Bast. The God was prayed to and in turn, made those Wakandans her avatar on earth.
It is here in Djalia, the ancestral plane, that brings me comfort at the moment. I might just stay here for a while. To rest, rejuvenate, and hopefully meditate/manifest some of the greatness that Chadwick gave the world. He was a king that inspires the rest of us left behind.
I recall this grief so acutely after reading your post. I remember having a rough mental health week because my close friend’s father had passed away from cancer the day before. Quarantine was already eating at me, and after a day full of grieving I came online and heard this news. I was just so… tired. I couldn’t even process it fully until a few days later, and then the grief really sunk in.
Still, I admit I couldn’t have and did not feel it to the same extent as you did. Thank you for putting the communal grief of experiencing Chadwick Boseman’s passing into words. Now I understand it better.
Your post was like a refresher of the hell that was Summer 2020, but it also reminded me that taking a break to process is okay too. Even in your mourning you acknowledged that it’s okay to live in memory lane, just don’t live there. I’m glad that you found peace amidst your grieving in Djalia, TSM. Hope you got to recharge and rejuvenate like you had hoped.